Shape and Substance

meditations on faith and church

Lament 2

February 2015

 

These lives of quiet anguish take their toll,

peer mirrored back beneath a furrowed brow

through eyes that wear the sorrow of the soul,

a tattered shawl. Our prayers are empty now.

How long, O Lord, how long?

 

We are but shadows on a shadowed wall,

indistinct, our lives play out in gray—

a gesture here, and there a muffled call—

and at the end have nothing more to say?

How long, O Lord, how long?

 

Around us burn the fires of other sins

bequeathed of other prides or hates or lusts.

Yet does not our quiescence held within

at last divide Dives from Lazarus?

How long, O Lord, how long?

 

Save us from our self-posed isolation,

save us who are in impotence imprisoned,

save us from our complicit resignation

to blinkered eyes that masquerade as vision.

How long, O Lord, how long?

 

Come your justice, Lord, poured out in deluge

and wash the dust of indolence away;

come your voice that shatters easy refuge

and speak the promised dawning into day.

 

Come your kingdom, Lord; we wait uncertain

whether we can bear indifference lost;

come your glory, Lord, and rend the curtain

we draw to block the sunlight of the cross.

How long, O Lord? Not long!

The Dream-Coat: Issachar’s Tale

Genesis 37 and 50:20

 

You meant it all for evil, but God meant it all for good

was what he said. Perhaps, but not from where I stood.

I was drowned in his endearment, undone in his desire,

rejected in his rescue, yet kindled in his fire.

 

Had it been left to me that day when Joseph topped the rise

I’d have stabbed the little prick as soon as I laid eyes

on that dream-coat. I’d have stuck him like a slaughtered sheep

and left him lying in the dirt to beg and bleed and bleat.

 

That dream-coat—so he called it for he always wore his dreams

like blazes on its panels and piping at the seams—

See here, he said, the sun and moon and stars bow on my sleeves

and here I stand so tall and gold amid your sodden sheaves.

 

Don’t kill him, pleaded Reuven—always one to work the con—

and Judah said let’s sell him to those slavers coming yon

and divvy up the proceeds while they tie him to the board

and soak his coat in goat’s blood and tell Pa he was gored.

 

So we did the deed. Afterward I kept the coat—

A keepsake? A trophy? A hospice for a hope?

Lesser son of Leah, scion of the unloved spouse,

cursed to dream of flocks and streams and even of a house

 

of Issachar—I liked the sound of that. But years

of famine, death, and desert burn up everything but tears

and drive a man to Pharaoh’s land to barter dreams for food.

You meant it all for evil, but God meant it all for good.

 

They sing of Joseph’s wisdom, but it catches in my throat,

and even after all these years I scarce can touch the coat.

But dreams were written on it. They were written in my blood.

I do not see the difference between evil and the good.

 

This is what I know: here’s his body, wrapped and dressed,

encoffined for the nether world that waits upon the blessed.

Alone of all the brothers now I stand at Joseph’s pyre

and return the blood-stiffened dream-coat to the one who lit the fire.

Words at the Door

1 Sam 3:1-18

2nd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B

I

There is a critical moment in almost every good story when the outcome hangs in the balance, when you know that the next few sentences will alter the course of the tale, and you decide whether you have the courage to read on and face whatever the story holds in store. There is one of those moments in the story of Samuel and Eli. It comes as morning dawns above Shiloh, and Samuel puts his hand on the inner handle of the temple door, but just before he tugs it open. In that instant, just before Samuel has to tell Eli the awful truth he has heard in the night—before his words begin that torrent of events that flows from the demise of the family of Eli to Saul to David and Solomon and the division of the kingdom, to battles and bloodshed and conquest all the way to the destruction of Jerusalem and the weeping of exiles by the rivers of Babylon—in that moment, I can’t help but wonder if Samuel’s hand doesn’t tremble a bit in anticipation of the word he is about to set in motion, a word that will not stop echoing down the centuries until it climbs to a barren hill on Good Friday and nails us to a cross.

But I’m ahead of myself. You know the story, and if you didn’t, you heard it a few moments ago. It begins quietly enough, with Samuel on his mat inside the temple and old blind Eli lying in his bedchamber just outside the door. “The lamp of God had not yet gone out,” says the text in what must surely be as prescient a poetic symbol as I’ve heard in a while—God dimly present, but not quite gone. Then, when the air is finally settled and rustling of bedclothes stilled, comes the voice, just above a whisper, “Samuel! Samuel!”

It was surely Eli. For as long as he could remember, for as long as he had been able to hear and understand, the old priest had been calling, and Samuel had been doing what he would now do again: get up and see what the old man wanted. Who knew what lowly errand it might be this time: a ladle of water, help with nightclothes against the evening chill. There was nothing to do but go and see. “Here I am,” Samuel said, “for you called me.”

But it wasn’t Eli. Perhaps it had been the boy’s imagination, or the wind moaning mindlessly in the trees, but it hadn’t been the priest. So Samuel went back and lay down, returning to his interrupted rest… until the voice called again. “Samuel!” and the little scene was re-enacted.

It wasn’t until the voice spoke a third time that the importance of the moment began to dawn like the still-distant sun in the eastern sky. And even then, it wasn’t the boy who understood, but the priest. It had been years, too many years, since he had heard it, so perhaps the old man could be forgiven for not recognizing the voice of God when it whispered in the night. “The word of the Lord was rare in those days,” says the text. In its place had been too many words complaining about the behavior of Eli’s sons, Hophni and Phinehas, men who had neither the faith nor moral fiber of their father, men who loved power for the abuses it made possible. Eli had heard so many of those words that his ears were nearly as numb as his eyes were blind. But now the light was dawning, and the old man understood at last. “Go back and lie down,” he said to the boy, “and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’”

So Samuel waited in the darkness for the voice to call again. And call it did, but not the voice only; the LORD “came and stood there,” says the text, calling yet again. And Samuel, feeling God knows what dread depths of awe and terror, did not forget his instructions, but answered with ancient words: “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” And then, at long last, the word of the LORD was heard again in the temple of Eli, but not words of comfort—no, words of divine judgment about to fall on the old priest and his worthless sons, words so filled with wrath and power that they would “make the two ears of anyone who heard them tingle.” They were words Samuel did not want to hear, and did not know what to do with once he heard them, so he lay back down on his bed behind the closed doors of the temple and waited for daylight.

And now comes that heart-stopping moment. Daylight dawned, and Samuel swung open the temple doors, and there was Eli, waiting for the word he knew must have come, even if it no longer came to him. Surely Samuel must have wanted to hold his tongue, but Eli was starved for the word, any word, from the LORD, and he insisted that Samuel tell him every syllable. So Samuel let it all spill out, all the promises of wrath and punishment, all the divine settling of affairs he had heard detailed in the darkness. Eli listened, hearing the truth toll like a funeral bell, hearing his insight confirmed even as he heard his own heart breaking. “It is the LORD,” was all he said, and all he could say.

 II

         This is a story about words. Above all else, it is a story about the word of the Lord, which, as the text reminds us, “was rare in those days.” And yet, for all its rarity, it is curiously abundant. I counted the number of times the word word or its derivatives occur in these eighteen verses: fifteen times, more than twice the occurrence of any other word. It is as though, in a story about the scarcity of the word of the Lord, the word is literally lying about all over the place, waiting for someone to hear.

What a deep and painful irony there is here! Those who believe the word of the LORD is nowhere to be found are virtually tripping over it, and the one who heard the word pronounce its judgment has to be taught how to listen by the very one on whom the judgment is pronounced. The one who most yearned to hear the word could not, and the one who heard yearned not to hear it. The one who had spent his life serving the LORD was out of the room when the LORD at long last called, and the one who was called did not know it was the LORD calling.

In the end, though, this is a story about obedience. Samuel obeys, even when obedience is the one thing would rather not have done. But even more suprising and to the point, Eli obeys, despite what we might expect. At the story’s end, when the word has finally been spoken and the judgment pronounced, Eli makes no attempt to deny its truth or escape its consequences. Instead, he accepts the awful verdict on everything he loves, seeing at last the one vision his blind eyes see only too clearly. It is the LORD, he says.

 III

         Tomorrow we observe the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Observing Dr. King’s birthday has become an occasion for reflecting on the prophetic values of his speeches, and on his life-sacrificing witness against the evils of racism in this society. As the events of the past year have amply shown us, accompanied by endless video footage from Ferguson, MO or New York City, racism is as alive and well as it has ever been. And change is afoot, motivated by people whose motives are a mixture of good and ill, wisdom and folly. Sometimes that change seems chaotic, out of control, and likely to create as many problems as it solves. Not all of us celebrate its coming. But it comes; steadfastly it comes.

In a sermon on words—especially words we need to hear even if we don’t want to—it would make sense to release the thunder of Dr. King’s mighty words on us, like the voice of God in the temple, to remind us once again of how far we have fallen short of the goal of a society in which people will “be judged not on the color of their skin but on the content of their character,” and to inspire us to recommit to that goal once again. That would be fitting, and needed, and it’s being done in pulpits all over this country today.

But I’m not going to do that. Partly, it’s because Dr. King’s words are already so familiar that there is a danger we will muffle their thunder, that we will hear them with the same sort of comfortable appreciation that people with white skin and progressive attitudes often have: that somehow those words apply to others but not to us. Partly—and this cuts a bit closer to home—it’s because I not at all sure that Dr. King’s words don’t sound a bit hollow on the tongue of a white man born and bred in the deep South, the cradle of segregation.

But mostly, I’m not going to read Dr. King to you because I can’t get away from the sense that my role—our role—in these days of racial renegotiation is not so much to be the divine voice tolling the arrival of cataclysmic change as it is to be Samuel standing at the door of the temple with the voice of God still ringing in his ears, knowing that he will live through that change, and that it will alter or destroy the things and people he loves. There is something about having to bear witness to the word you least want to hear that makes the heart stop and the breath catch in the throat and the fingers tremble as they reach for the door handle.

I’ve been thinking about my father. As many of you know, my dad died last month, at the age of 92, after a long career as a Presbyterian minister. He was a southern boy, raised on the north side of Nashville in a family so poor they didn’t really notice the Great Depression. His father was a carpenter for the Tennessee Central Railroad, back in the days when boxcars were still made of wood, and that would have been Dad’s life as well had World War II and the GI Bill not intervened. But between high school graduation and the day he went off to war, he worked in the carpentry shop as an apprentice, and he learned there how black men were treated, even by white men who weren’t any better off or better educated than they were. It made him realize that there were some things about his beloved southern society that didn’t quite square with his notions of what was fair and right.

All of that came home to roost in the late 1960s when Dad, now pastor of the Central Park-Ensley Presbyterian Church in Birmingham, AL, had to respond to an invitation. It was the weekend after the assassination of Dr. King in 1968, and the call went out from several black pastors in town to all the white pastors, inviting them and members of their congregations to participate in a march in downtown Birmingham in a show of racial solidarity. Almost nobody in west Birmingham—our part of town—had any intention of going. Most of them wanted to block the path of social change, like George Wallace standing in the schoolhouse door. They condemned Dr. King as an “outside agitator” and had not greeted the news of his assassination with sorrow. To the Central Park session, this march also threatened to antagonize members. After all, too many of them were already leaving behind the grit and grime belched from smokestacks of the US Steel Fairfield Works and moving “over the mountain,” as we used to say, to the posh suburbs of Vestavia Hills and Mountain Brook. Let’s not do anything to make the situation worse, was what they said.

All the same, Dad told the session – the same men who five years before had voted to bar black families from worshiping in our congregation—that he intended to march. He asked the session to join him, as a way of showing that race relations could be better if we all worked together, but only one member promised to show up. Three others threatened to leave the church. I don’t remember anything else ever being said about it. But I know that moment colored the next seven years of his ministry there.

Dad was not a brave man, in the sense that he was willing to take controversial public stands. He wouldn’t even tolerate political bumper stickers on the car or signs in the yard. He was always more concerned to hold the little flock together against the battering winds of social change. He was not the type to preach fire to thousands, and much more the type to hedge his words carefully so as not to offend the hundred or so hunkered down in that sanctuary week after week. I imagine his hands probably trembled when he reached for the door handle of our green ’65 Chevy in the parking lot where the march began. I suspect he knew that by opening the door he was acknowledging the coming of a torrent of events that would sweep away a lot of things and people he loved. And I suspect he knew he would have to open that door anyway. And he did.

I went back to Birmingham a few years ago and found that the sanctuary of the old Central Park-Ensley church—now defunct—was occupied by an African American Pentecostal congregation. I thought of Dad and found myself smiling.

 IV

         Hearing the word of the Lord is a hard thing. It’s hard because our acculturation and experience have led us to believe that God isn’t speaking, or at least isn’t speaking to us, or perhaps that we’ve already heard all we need to know. We get so used to equating what feels comfortable to us with what God wants from us that we forget there is a difference between the two.

But every now and then, the word of the Lord breaks through and forces us out of the lethargy of our convenient assumptions. Every now and then, we hear the word we don’t want to hear, the word that will alter the landscape of our reality. And in those moments we have a choice. We can put our hands on the door handle and—in a moment of true fear and trembling—tug it open and face the future God holds in store. Or we can go back to bed.

Here’s the thing, though. The dawn is coming anyway, even if we pull the covers over our heads in an effort to deny it. The new day is coming anyway, and it is God’s day, and God is in it. The only real question is whether we will be on our feet when it arrives, or still trying to go back to sleep.

Christmas Eve, Room 727

2:19 am
Late, the night a velvet shade drawn dark
Across the stage of daylight’s tawdry show;
Emotions spent, I tune my ear to sounds
Of ragged breathing, cars passing far below.

They whoosh, rain-swept, across the bridge like breath
Drawn at intervals only she ration.
Annoyed, the oxygen monitor clangs in protest,
Indignant at her irregular aspiration.

Silent now. No car rushes by.
Where is she? Has she gone across the span
Reaching from here to wherever he has gone,
From Nazareth to Bethlehem, from pain

To pain’s reward? But no, a breath,
And on the morrow another test required.
Can she bear the future, uncertain, full of fear,
Promised, still unknown, and yet desired?

Not ready yet, she sets her jaw, her face
Turned toward Jerusalem, and I
Know where this road will end. We wait
Together for a star in a starless sky.

By tomorrow night they will have come,
The white-robed chorus their Gloria attend,
The shepherds of the straggling flock, amazed
That she can bear this journey to its end.

But she and I, we do not fear the crossing;
T’is not getting there we in our darkness dread.
T’is living with the dead among the living
While waiting for the living to join the dead.

This Time

Requiescat in pace OFH 12.16.2014

This time I drive down December darkness eastward

pursuing the headlights’ path toward where she

summoned me on this too-hasty sojourn not

by celestial portent but by cell phone

no star illumining the horizon but

a cat’s-eye moon peeking coolly

from behind slit-lidded clouds

suspicious of my reasons

for I seek no manger

but a deathbed

no beginning

but an end.

I bear no gifts.

I am not wise.

I was a son

and he a father

now we

are neither

and Herod

wins.

This time.

Cometsong

The sounds of Comet 67P,

Recorded by the Rosetta spacecraft, November 2014.

 

Is this how it sounds when God sings

in the dew moist before time’s first morning,

in the interstices of molecules and galaxies,

melody etched in ice and dust

rhythm pulsing among the planets,

echoing in eternity,

as though the universe

was a cavernous old concert hall,

and you and I the only audience

slumped low in velvet cushioned seats

that smell of hairspray and old cologne

in the back row of the second balcony

in the shadow-dark,

hunkered down

so as not to be found and ushered out

for having snuck in through the stage door

left unlocked by mistake, while we watch

the spotlight far below and listen

to the dress rehearsal of Creation?

We Left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s House Tonight

2 Samuel 5:17 – 6:11

Some thought the yoke of oxen much too frail

To draw the oxcart slowly up the grade;

Some thought the sun too hot or moon too pale

Or night too dark, when stars began to fade.

Some thought the path too long,

Or that the times were wrong,

Or else the fates too strong.

But tomorrow let us tell the tale aright:

We left the Ark[i] at Obed-Edom’s[ii] house tonight.

 

Thirty thousand gathered at break of dawn,

Called by the king, the crown still loose upon his head.

Not long ago the same had on field of battle drawn

The sword, and struck a thousand Philistines dead.

Peretz[iii] we called that place

Whereon we saw God’s face

Burst out before our race.

We danced our valor in the bonfire’s light.

But we left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s house tonight.

 

From Baale-judah, toward the rising sun,

We climbed the hill toward David’s town and throne,

In triumph of the sort Rome’s Caesars won

When bringing spoils of war to warrior’s home.

Climactic battle fought,

The victory ours, we thought,

And proud of what we’d wrought—

We clothed ourselves in tribute claimed as right…

But we left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s house tonight.

 

The path was rock-strewn, rutted, no easy trip;

Ox and human strained against the load.

The sun at zenith, Ahio plied the whip

On man and beast alike, a stinging goad.

We summoned up the will

To haul God up the hill,

Our goal in vision still:

To reach Jerusalem and the palace height.

Yet we left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s house tonight.

 

They say the oxcart shuddered, struck a rut,

Ark tottering like a child’s toy knocked aside;

And Uzzah, loathe to see God tumbled in the dust,

Reached up to save God’s now-imperiled pride.

God burst out again.

Did Uzzah see him plain,

As he died in brilliant pain?

The fire of God in blood and bone burns bright.

We left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s house tonight.

 

Why? Ah, who’s to say? It happened in a flash.

But which of us would not have done the same?

Had we but walked there, proud and rash,

By ours be known the place with Uzzah’s name:

Peretz-you, or –me,

God-burst-out, and we

Could not but Godstruck be

To serve a God unserved by human might.

We left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s house tonight.

 

Thirty thousand scattered to the wind,

As we in silence stood in gathering dusk,

And learned the harder lesson of Uzzah’s end:

The pride of God needs no defense from us.

Yet in gray light of dawn,

Though other doubts be gone,

The question lingers on:

Who is this God slays foe and friend alike?

 

We left the Ark at Obed-Edom’s house tonight.

 

 

[i] The Ark of the Covenant was a box of acacia wood (Ex. 25:10-22), traditionally understood to have been made by Bezalel ben Uri and Oholiab ben Ahisamach, at instructions from God given to Moses. It was said to have contained the tablets of the Commandments (Ex.25:22), and to have been covered by the golden kapporet, or “seat,” above which the spirit of God was thought to be present. The Ark became something of a battle talisman for Israelites until it was captured by Philistine forces at Aphek (1 Sam 4:1-22). The Philistines, however, sent the Ark back to Israel after it supposedly caused various disruptions in their temples (1 Sam 5:1 – 7:2). The Ark remained at Kiriath-jearim, also known in the 2 Samuel account as Baale-judah, for some twenty years, through the end of Saul’s reign and into the beginning of David’s. After having won a decisive victory over the Philistines at Baal-perazim (2 Sam 5:17-22), David resolved to bring the Ark into his newly captured capital of Jerusalem and to install it in the Temple, the royal chapel.

[ii] Obed-Edom is a Hebrew proper name translated, “Edom’s servant.”

[iii] Peretz is a place name derived from the Hebrew verb paratz, translated, “burst out.”

Driving Past Cornfields in September

Central Texas

September 2014

 

Parched and brown as Egyptian papyri,

Wrenched ragged stalks rattle,

Tumble, twisting, tilting;

Week-old stubble on the face of a field,

Remnant of the harvesting razor’s pass.

Broken stems point skyward,

In a thousand accusations of the clouds.

 

Abreast of the field, the country road

Undulates along a line of rusting wire.

The wind disturbs the corn;

Empty husks rehearse their anxieties,

Rasping shucks whisper their regrets,

Play their nervous allegro

On the quivering strings of a vagrant breeze.

 

The road turns north. Now I gaze

Abeam at countless furrows in the field,

Sloping to a gentle swale,

Rising toward a ridge. A line of trees,

Patient, knowing, magisterial, their roots

Probe fissures in the bedrock,

And plumb the ancient aquifers of hope.

 

And so: beneath the crisis of the current,

An older order pulses. The stalks

Align, and face the trees,

Like sunflowers turning toward the light

Or believers turning toward the font,

Barren, brittle, but turning

Toward the promise of a fertile and forgiving sky.

 

On for a quarter-mile and more,

The cornrows marshal their procession.

Soon enough plowed under,

They are fuel for an unimagined spring.

For now they limn the path that leads

From convocation to commencement

And on to planting once again.

I Do Not Know Depression

August 2014

 

I do not know depression

As blackest night, swift-descending,

Midnight at mid-day,

Darkest hour from whence there comes no dawn.

 

I know depression rather

As a traveler knows the distant storm,

Glowering nimbostratus,

Threatening to rend her roof and hearth.

 

I do not know depression

As paralysis, the incarcerated heart,

Benumbed, unresponsive

To the spirit’s half-willed command.

 

I know depression rather

As a visitor standing at the prison gate,

Offering amidst her sentence

Too brief a respite from her soul’s confinement.

 

I do not know depression

As a shipwreck, flotsam in the flood,

Where wave and shoal conspire

To drown the plea for mercy or for rescue.

 

I know depression rather

As a sailor answering her unsent SOS,

Who late-arriving casts a line

And prays it soon enough, and long.

Symbols of a Relentless Grace

A sermon preached at University Presbyterian Church
Austin, TX
3 August 2014

Genesis 32:22-32
18th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Yr A.

By now, you know the story of Jacob: you’ve listened to it read weekly from this pulpit this summer. You know how Jacob was the younger of twins, issuing from Rebekah’s womb holding the heel of his older-by-a-minute brother, Esau, trying to pull him back and get out ahead. A prescient moment, that; Jacob will spend his whole life trying to get ahead. With slick talk and shrewd dealing, Jacob conned his dim-witted brother out of his right to inherit their father’s property in exchange for a pot of porridge. He duped blind old Isaac into thinking that Jacob was Esau, so that Isaac pronounced upon Jacob the ancestral blessed meant for Esau. And when the ruse was discovered, Jacob had to run for his life, ahead of Isaac’s stunned disappointment and Esau’s murderous wrath. How perfectly Jacob’s name fit his personality—Ya’aqob, from the Hebrew verb, aqb, meaning “to uproot.” Probably a reference to Jacob’s effort to uproot his brother at birth, the name has come to mean “usurper” or even “trickster”—one who acquires by stealth what is not rightfully his. Jacob had the soul of a con man.

And con man he was. Leaving Canaan, Jacob went to Haran, the home of his uncle Laban to labor and live. Jacob tended Laban’s vast flocks of sheep, and in time he married Laban’s daughters, Leah and Rachel. Jacob even managed to become a wealthy man in his own right during the twenty years he worked for Laban. But when the time came to leave, Jacob couldn’t resist one last con. By means of a scam worthy of that old TV series, Leverage, Jacob stole a large portion of Laban’s flock, and just for good measure, stole the statues of Laban’s gods, as well. It didn’t take long for Laban to discover the dirty deed, and he set out in pursuit of his son-in-law. Laban overtook Jacob at a place called Mizpah, where for a while the two of them flung threats and epithets at each other, until they agreed to keep their distance from one another. “May God watch between me and you, while we are absent one from the other,” says Laban to Jacob. That’s the famous “Mizpah Benediction” that church youth groups used to recite, holding hands, all misty-eyed at the end of a retreat. Only it’s not a blessing but a threat. Laban is warning Jacob that his own God is keeping an eye on Jacob, and if Jacob ever sets foot in Haran again, even God won’t protect him.

With Laban behind him, frothing at the mouth with frustrated rage, Jacob had nowhere to go but back to Canaan, back to the place where Esau was waiting—the same Esau who twenty years before had howled his bloody intentions at the back of his fleeing brother. As they neared the Jordan River, the eastern boundary of Canaan, Jacob sent some of his servants ahead of him to scout out the passage. They returned with devastating news: Esau had mustered a force of four hundred armed men and had already crossed the Jordan. He was waiting just south of the Jabbok, a small tributary stream that drained the hills to the east of the Jordan, waiting to settle at long last their ancient score. Jacob’s brain must have raced to find a way out, or at least a way to buy time. He gathered all his possessions—all his servants and animals, all his sheep both stolen and earned, and even his wives and children—and sent them on ahead across the Jabbok and into Esau’s hands. They are a gift, he told Esau, hoping somehow to trade his way out of trouble. As the last ox-cart rose dripping up the far bank of the river and rumbled out of sight, Jacob sat down beside the stream—to think, to watch, to hope, and perhaps even to pray. And darkness fell on him there, sitting in silence beside the ford of the Jabbok.

Part of what I love about the Bible is its symbols and images, moments rich with metaphor that explain who we are and how it is with us. For me, the image of Jacob sitting in the dark beside the Jabbok is among the most powerful of those symbols. Jacob is us and we are Jacob, on the run from our misdeeds, dreading our dwindling prospects, and caught in the middle with the blood of broken relationships on our hearts if not on our hands. Our fathers, brothers, and uncles—or our mothers, sisters, and aunts—may live in Tel Aviv or the Gaza Strip, or across the street or in the same pew or on the other side of the bed, but the grievances that divide us from one another are the same ones Jacob contemplated that night as he sat alone by the river. How can we face them—the Esaus of our lives? And if we cannot face each other, how can we ever face God?

I’ve been thinking about that a good deal, lately. As you know, relationships within our beloved Presbyterian Church are torn and tormented. Depending on where you stand on one issue or another, the church has either sought to address itself creatively to issues of the day, like the conflict in the Middle East or human sexuality, or it has abandoned the teachings of the Bible and caved in to societal pressure. As the tensions mount, so has the temperature of the rhetoric, until conservative and liberal, progressive and traditionalist stand on either side of the theological currents dividing us and fling epithets at each other. All the anger and divisiveness seems easy enough to understand in the clear light of day: after all, we’re right and they’re wrong. But when the silent darkness falls and we are left alone with our doubts and brokenness, I wonder: if we cannot find ways to sit in peace with one another, will we ever be able to stand in the presence of God?

The story tells us that, in the middle of the night, God comes to Jacob. “Jacob was left alone,” says the text, “and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of day.” What a strange sentence that is, how tight-lipped and terse and reluctant to divulge details. Behind those fifteen words, shrouded in darkness beside the Jabbok, lie the elements of the drama: how Jacob expects a conflict, but on the morrow, not at midnight; how the two combatants fought for hour after dark hour, holding on with gritted teeth and white knuckles until the first rays of dawn; how neither Jacob nor the benighted attacker seems willing to knuckle under. All these details—each one itself a tantalizing question—are cloaked in darkness. We are told only that finally his attacker succeeded in dislocating Jacob’s hip—a measure of how violent the fight must have been. Yet even this does not end the ordeal. Jacob will not let go. Somehow this fight is more than a mugging, and Jacob’s goal is not to get free. Somewhere in the darkness reality has shifted, and Jacob is now the one on the attack, holding on and struggling, as if his whole life were summed up in the effort, as it to lose this one battle in the darkness would mean to lose everything he had ever done or been or dreamed. “Let me go,” says the dark assailant, “for the day is breaking.”

“Not until you bless me,” responds Jacob. What a strange response! What a bizarre thing to say to one who attacks in the dark. Who is this one cloaked in mystery, to whom Jacob clings for dear life, and why is his blessing the prize?

He is a man, some say; others that he is angel or demon. But the truth is that, by the end of the fight, Jacob himself identifies his attacker, and he is God. “I have seen the face of God,” says Jacob, “and lived.” That image is a hard one to swallow; God as a mugger in the darkness. But the text leaves us no other options. God comes to Jacob in Jacob’s moment of crisis, but hardly looks or acts like God. God comes to Jacob, but not to comfort or cosset. Rather, God comes in the darkness, full of fight and struggle. What are we to make of a God like that?

I want to suggest that here we stumble upon another of the text’s symbols. Jacob’s nightlong struggle—no, more accurately, his lifelong struggle—with all the people who have populated his life—Isaac and Esau, Laban, Leah and Rachel—is in the end a struggle with God. He holds on with such desperation because he knows that only blessing can heal his brokenness. If he loses this midnight fight, if God escapes without blessing him, then all is lost and there is no tomorrow.

Is it any different with us? I suggest that nothing less is true of our own struggles with each other, especially our struggles in our common life in the church. The longer we wage holy war on each other, launching proof-texts like cruise missiles from the cover of our like-minded communities and aimed at the heart of each other’s beliefs, the longer we claim a truth we do not possess and assert a righteousness we do not deserve, the more desperate is our quest for the blessing that is the remedy for our brokenness. Without that word of divine approbation, all is lost and there is no tomorrow. And so we fight, white knuckles and gritted teeth, holding on to the hope of blessing. To fight with each other is to fight with God. “I will not let you go until you bless me.”

“What is your name?” The Dark One’s question is another of the story’s surprises. Does God not already know Jacob’s name? Surely, God knows. And just as surely, Jacob’s name is the key to meaning. Jacob answers, for once in his long, self-deceptive life, with the truth: I am Jacob, the Uprooter, the Usurper, the one who takes what is not his own.

“Then your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel.” And at last we come to the heart of the matter. Jacob’s new name is another of the text’s symbols. Israel derives from a Hebrew verb that means “to struggle,” “to persevere,” “to persist.” The story gives us the meaning. Jacob is Israel, the one who refuses to yield, even in extremity, even when the dawn is breaking, even when it is God who insists on being released. Jacob is Israel, the one who struggles with God. And that is his blessing. It is as though God were saying, I bless your struggle, your dogged persistence, your refusal to abandon the quest and settle for less than the truth. God blesses the struggler for the sake of the struggle.

But there is more here, if we linger a bit. You see, there is another way to understand the name, Israel. It may refer to Jacob’s struggles, but it may also refer to God’s. The name can mean—indeed, I think more likely means—“God struggles,” “God perseveres,” “God persists.” It can surely refer to Jacob’s grip on God; it can just as surely refer to God’s grip on Jacob. As dogged and persistent as Jacob is, no less dogged and persistent is the God who, from now on, will be known as the God of Israel, The God of the Fight.

And once again, the story is offering us a symbol. God and Jacob, God and Israel—God and we—are locked in a struggle that lasts the long night of human life until the dawn of God’s bright morning. We are locked in a struggle, but we are locked together, each gripping the other so tightly so that we cannot be separated. We hold onto each other in this dance of faith and fight. We live in a relentless quest for blessing; God comes in relentless grace. It is a grace that never loses its grip, never gives up or gives in, never abandons us as unimportant, never concludes that it would be better to part company and go our separate ways. That relentless grace comes to us in the dark of night, an unexpected assault from an unanticipated assailant. It invades our sublime self-confidence, it forces us into relationship with those we most fear. It exposes the inconvenient truths that undermine our most sacred conclusions. It is most often the very opposite of the sweet peace and clarity of purpose we most crave. But it comes, this relentless grace. The profoundest truth of this story is that God’s blessing is not the end of the struggle; it is the struggle. God lays hold on the church—the whole Church, left and right, conservative and liberal, pro-Israel and pro-Palestinian, supportive of same-gender marriage and opposed—lays hold of all of us in the midst of our dark divisions, and will not let us go, until the light of God’s bright morning dawns, and we see that we cannot let go of one another because to let go of each other is to let go of God.

One last symbol. As dawn broke full above the Jabbok, Jacob arose and went across the river to meet Esau and the future. He went with a new name and a new understanding of himself and his God. And he went, says the text, limping. He limped because his hip was out of joint. He limped because it is no easy thing to be blessed by God. He limped as a sign that the blessing of God is not a reward for the righteous, but a scar for struggler. He limped, says the text, for the rest of his life.

My friends, God’s people are always limping. We limp because we struggle—with each other, with ourselves, and with God. We limp because those who struggle are wounded in the fight. We limp as a sign to the world that we are blessed. If we are very fortunate, we will limp for the rest of our lives. May the God of the Fight so bless us all.